Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Transition...

A few weeks back I found out what i'd be doing next year. For a while I thought that after my second year at the Word of Life Bible Institute i'd be done with school and pursue missions full time. So over Christmas break while  I was in Canada I had an offer placed in front of me. There was either acting out on my urge and go into what the world calls "missions" full time or finish my schooling while interning at Word of Life in Florida. All of my being wanted to be done with school and never take another test in my life, but through much thought and prayer, I have decided to take the position in FL and finish my degree with Liberty University online. I'm just asking for prayer right now. I'm going through a bit with being in school and my heart isn't in the right place and I know that. I'm done faking it. I know the answers and how to make it seem like everything is peachy. I am struggling with my attitude, bitterness, and anything that can point to that one problem in my life. Sin. I've needed Christ like crazy and relying on Him for everything has been tough and to be honest, i'm still struggling with my self reliance. My mind it messed up. I can trust God with the huge thing but its like I won't let Him take care of the simple things. Or the big things too! I guess it all point to my lack of faith and my lack of reliance in Him. And my lack of Trust. Not just in trusting Him, but anyone with anything in my life. i don't want it to be like that. I genuinely want to trust people and let them know what is going on in m life whether its going to be beneficial to me or not. I want to stop looking out for myself and just love others. I want to be like Daniel in the bible! A man that loved the Lord with his entire being and didn't care about anything else. To become that man of unrelenting faith and unquenchable thirst for God! That is who I want to be. I want prayer not to be enough, that reading the bible through in a day couldn't even come near to what I need, to be unwavering in any decisions when I already know the answer, and to be able to demolish any thought or action unpleasing to God. I just want to love CHRIST!

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